Agreeing to Disagree
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Paul Graham presents an article about how to disagree (via DesignView)
If we’re all going to be disagreeing more, we should be careful to do it well. What does it mean to disagree well? Most readers can tell the difference between mere name-calling and a carefully reasoned refutation, but I think it would help to put names on the intermediate stages.
He then presents six types of disagreement from simple name calling to actual refutation of central points. It is a well-thought article and merits reading by anyone who enters into discussions or arguments. The article is geared toward written word, but it also can be used in speaking. It may not be as easy to apply as quickly, but I think we can all appreciate the different levels of verbal communication.
I think the important thing about disagreements is to realize you are disagreeing and that disagreements are o.k. They aren’t the end of a discussion or any relationship (from strictly business through death-do-us-part). They provide, sometimes, needed stimulus to bring conflict to the forefront and often lead to resolutions that make the discussion more interesting or the relationship more secure and fruitful.
I look forward to disagreements in my life. Usually that means I will be learning something. I still recall an incident from almost a decade ago that really opened my eyes to a new way of thinking. It managed to steer my musical development in a new direction that ultimately led to my personal style. Was I upset when the disagreement first started? You bet. But I managed to keep an open mind and continue the engagement of discussion on a healthy level. I think we all can do this if we strive hard enough. It’s important to keep the flow of communication open and to trust that everyone involved wants the best for everyone at heart. It’s sometimes a big leap of faith, but a leap worth taking every time.
